Adapting to changing circumstances

I have heard from Social Services to say that the care worker is starting here tomorrow night. Thank God for that. We will then be having someone in the morning and at night every day, so I understand. We have had some stuff delivered today to help manage mum's condition and more is coming tomorrow. Last night and this morning were difficult but I hope that with the help we are now getting and the support aids and equipment, the burden will be lighter. I am the main carer in our family and have been having some rows with my brother over lack of help at times, and we have been shouting at each other at times as I try to deal with my mother's care on my own. We are both going to have to adapt our lives to changing circumstances but my brother seems less adaptable to the potential changes than I and keeps finding objections to the various help we shall be getting by pointing out the disruption we may have to suffer by having people in and the adaptations needed to the house, such as support aids.

There is much more stress looking after someone who is a member of one's family than doing it for a living because one can escape a job if it gets too much. One can't do this when one is caring for a member of the family. My stress levels have reached an all time high recently although I am now beginning to adapt to the changes. But I recently started smoking again. I have smoked a number of times over the past three years or so and usually given up after a while. If the habit doesn't become too entrenched, it is not hard to give up. But I am smoking more now than I was before. It helps me get through the day and gives me something to look forward to at intervals, and at the moment I feel I would miss these 'smoking breaks'.

I feel I need some counselling, to deal with the issues raised by being a carer and the sometimes angry feelings that come up. Because he is housebound by a social phobia (a fear of meeting people) it is me who has to deal with callers and that means I often have to stay in when I would rather be out just to wait in for someone to call. In other words I have a double burden: looking after my mother and having to do things that my brother can't (or won't) do, and it makes me bloody angry! So perhaps after all, it is not counselling I need so much as a different brother!